Pre-NCTM Procrastination

My to do list is so, SO long. Spring Break was a week ago, and while I accomplished a lot, the stack of grading didn’t disappear. Observations were supposed to be complete in March (oops) and now I have to do two. On Monday. And also write sub plans. And having volunteered to help with the MTBoS booth at NCTM has provided a constant stream of worry running through my brain (like – wake up at 2:30 am with 100 questions I can’t answer type of worry). Add to this that allergies were really bad last week, I felt like crap, and I went to bed each day about 8:30 and you have Casey on Saturday night totally on edge. So the only obvious thing to do is to ramble to cyberspace, rather than do anything helpful, right?

I’ve been thinking of little else than NCTM for quite some time. It’s such a great opportunity for professional growth. However, over the last few years that I have attended, it’s become even more about my own personal growth. Simply put, the people I have met through my NCTM experiences (along with TMC and CMC – the 3 of which have pretty good overlap), have changed my life. I remember tweeting during CMC in December that I was so appreciative of the person that my math friends allow me to be. It’s hard to explain.

So as I look towards this week in San Francisco, I can’t help but look back over the 3 years I’ve attended and how my experience has grown and how it has shaped me.

NCTM Denver:

I wanted to go to Denver because Miyam Bialik (aka, Blossom, aka, Amy Farrah-Fowler on BBT) was giving the keynote. I talked to my dad about it and he said he’d send me if my principal wouldn’t. Well, I never even got to see the keynote. Stupid snow almost prevented me from going at all! I spent a long time in the airport watching coverage of the Boston Marathon bombing, but I was finally able to get to Denver.

I had a great time. I enjoyed the sessions, I got to see my oldest friend (she lives in Denver), and I got to hear Dan Meyer speak for the first time. I was too shy to go by myself to the Desmos/Mathalicious Trivia night and I didn’t meet anyone during the week, but I had fun, and definitely wanted to go again.

NCTM New Orleans:

I arrived in NOLA and got to my hotel about 5 minutes before the keynote was to begin. I went to the keynote and then got ready for the next day. I wasn’t really sure about the whole twitter thing at the time, but I was definitely following people who I knew were around and who I hoped to meet. On the second night, after the conference was over, I still hadn’t connected with anyone – namely Hedge. I had seen her at the Mathalicious booth, but I was too nervous to even walk over and talk to her and her pals. I did tweet her later to tell her that, so that was kinda lame. I ended up walking around the French Quarter trying to find some dinner. It was not an easy task, let me tell ya. Finally found a pizza by the slice place and followed it up with some Cafe du Monde. I headed back to my hotel and hung out in the lobby for awhile watching the Red Sox.  As I scrolled through twitter, I finally connected with Hedge. She told me to come down to where she and a bunch of others were at a restaurant down the street.  Here I met Hedge, Fawn, Julie, Jessica, and others for the first time. I was kind of in awe and just sat there.

The next night was the annual Mathalicious/Desmos trivia night. I was determined to not miss it this time. Who could have imagined the night that was before me. I basically ended up following Hedge around like a puppy dog all night. But oh man – the people I met! It was more than I could wrap my little brain around. We traipsed around from spot to spot, and each had all kinds of interesting people. It was the first time I felt like maybe I could be part of the whole MTBoS world.

NCTM Boston:

Having gone to TMC and meeting the best people I know and being headed to my second home, I could not have been more excited for Boston. Add to that that I was at one of the lowest times of my life, and I knew NCTM would be just what I needed. Was it ever.Every single detail was awesome. I met more awesome people, connected with lots of twitter people, saw lots of people from TMC – it was amazing. I felt like a new person. When I posted pics to Facebook, my friends repeatedly commented that they’d never seen me so happy. I was in the midst of yuckiness at school and I’d been sick for more than a month, yet I truly found my happiness. Meeting people from MSMathChat like Brooke and Adrienne, getting to walk the freedom trail with Hedge and the SoCal crew (Andrew, Chris, Robert) among others, connecting with Kathy, who has since become such  a dear friend (I even gave up watching a Patriots play-off game to go to her baby shower. That’s love) just to name a few highlights, were what brought me back to life. Every opportunity I had, I was so thankful to be included. I had a personal goal I’d been thinking about – a conversation I wanted to have – and it was scary. I didn’t exactly follow through on it, but came close, and I was proud of myself for not letting it totally slip away (sorry to be vague, but honestly, if you’re reading this, you probably already know). I never wanted to leave. I was teary on the plane ride home for pretty much the entire cross country trip because I knew that the kind of happiness I felt being with my math people would be put on hold until July and TMC. I feared what I was headed back to at school. But mostly, I was just so happy for the time I’d had.


So now…. I have been obsessing about SF for a long time. I am SO excited. I am also anxious. I am afraid that nothing can live up to last year. I have really come out of my shell when with this crowd, but I still have that ever-present anxiety of being “left out” or not having someone to hang out with at the social events or to have dinner with (which is completely ridiculous, I know). I’m worried that the MTBoS Booth won’t live up to the awesomeness of last year and I’m afraid I won’t get time with all the people I want to spend time with. The company I love has asked me to spend some time at their booth, and I feel so honored to do so. So between 2 booths and all the sessions – yikes! I’ve been trying to make my schedule to allow for plenty of helping, but also get the sessions I want. I go back and forth between really wanting to go to sessions and really just wanting to hang out in the booths. I don’t know what the right balance is for me. I’m trying to be very conscious of allowing each experience to be its own, but I really am scared that I will keep comparing everything to Boston and I desperately don’t want to end the week disappointed if it isn’t just as great.

So – I can’t wait to see you, my friends. Help me stay present and enjoy my time, won’t you?


4 thoughts on “Pre-NCTM Procrastination

  1. Well, here I am commenting at 1 am because I am having my own can’t-stop-thinking-about-NCTM experience. I had felt like you’ve been our fearless leader on the booth, and now I see that you have actually been our fearful leader [me and my questionable humor], but nonetheless a leader! Remember that you heard from others that the best thing about the booth was to have a place for MTBoS people and prospective MTBoS people to hang out together, and though I wasn’t in Boston, I find that easy to believe because that was certainly my cause of “booth envy,” not whatever was hanging on the walls or what prizes were given out.

    As you know, I was feeling freaked out at the idea we might have committed to staffing the booth and wouldn’t get enough people, but I’m feeling pretty optimistic now. Your efforts to get people like Dan to tweet about it made the difference.

    I hope your observations go well and that it will feel great to get them over with. I had some district paperwork that was way overdue for my administrator, and although she was low-key about it, it was driving me crazy not to have it done… and I finally finished it on Friday, and it’s such a relief to have that off the list.

    Of course, I still have to finish up grade comments and grade 126 math tests before NCTM, and I also need to do sub plans. Aaaah! We’re all in similar boats, I bet!

    • Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂 See you soon. I know as soon as I get out of school tomorrow I will be on such a high – adrenaline and excitement all over the place!!!

  2. Debbie Boden says:

    Awesome Post, Casey!! I totally get it, although I’m ways behind you in going to NCTM-this is my first time. I’m looking forward to it so much, and a little nervous too. Will the people I met at TMC remember me? And I finished grading 4 groups of papers last night-but now the online grading system won’t open. And sub plans to make, and 2 classes have tests tomorrow and I need to grade them tomorrow night. But I’m leaving for NCTM Tuesday afternoon, and I can’t wait!

    • I didn’t realize this was your first one! So exciting. Well you start a step ahead at your first because you will know so many people, and I knew NO ONE! At my first TMC I learned to embrace the phrase, “I’m not sure if we’ve actually met. I’m Casey.” Or, alternately, “I think we met at TMC/NCTM, but I’m Casey.” That is SO NOT ME in my normal life, but like I said, I’m a different person in math land. People will remember you – or else just make them. Sometimes it takes a reminder, not because people don’t love you, just because this twitter world in which we live is weird. We feel like and are friends way before we ever meet, but then we meet and it’s like, whoa… I actually happen to be really good with names and faces (obsessively, weirdly so), but I try to remember that a lot of people aren’t 😉 And because I’m a little on the shy side, I basically assume people that I’ve only met briefly don’t remember!

      See you soon!

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